An Open Letter To My Children

Dear Kids,

Well, what a 2018 it’s been eh?! I can honestly say that it’s been one of the most interesting years of my entire life and sharing it with you two makes it perfect.

In fact, sharing any year with you guys is perfect.

I won’t lie, 2017 was pretty awful. Learning about your Mum’s affair, her leaving in the middle of the night out of the blue and Grandad’s battle with cancer, did leave me slightly battered at times, but with you two in my life those testing times were overcome with relative ease. When on the brink, nothing brings you back to earth like your son announcing he’s blocked the toilet or your daughter demanding I dance with her in the kitchen, before sulking when I don’t complete the splits.

To The Ex, From Step-Mum x

The biggest smile and cuddle I saw this Christmas was triggered from an unusual source. You’d think unwrapping numerous presents from under the tree would provoke the biggest grin from a child. You’d be forgiven for believing the promise of eating nothing but chocolate until the New Year would delight youngsters the most, or the fact school is closed for a fortnight.Christmas gives children numerous opportunities to be overwhelmingly happy, yet my son’s cheeriest smile came when I picked him up from his Mum’s in the afternoon of Christmas Day.

I Know I’m Not What You Dreamed Of

If you were lucky enough to have a happy childhood, memories of Christmas in your formative years are likely to remain a lifetime. I have extremely vivid recollections of the festive period as a youngster and can easily recall the emotions of Christmas Day itself.

Firstly, there is the obvious excitement. The euphoria of being surrounded by loved ones, opening presents and overdosing on sweets used to leave me as high as a kite, a feeling no drug could ever replicate.

However, like any drug-induced high, Christmas also had a come down. At that stage I’d be a zombie. Head spinning and feeling nauseous, I’d often crawl off into a dark room and rock backwards and forwards, humming the carol silent night.

It dawned on me this weekend that planning a wedding provokes similar emotions. The pure delight of actually getting married fills my heart with glee. The pure reality of planning and paying for the special day fills my heart with dread, leaving the stomach a little queasy.

Do Not Fear When Love Actually Is Not All Around

It isn’t the festive season without watching at least one Christmas film. Last weekend I went up to Edinburgh to watch a favourite of mine and Soon-To-Be’s: Love Actually, accompanied with a live orchestra.

For those who haven’t seen it, Love Actually is a soppy, English classic, which follows the trials and tribulations of characters in love, or seeking love at Christmas time. It is a typical “chick-flick” but I unashamedly love it.

However, a certain storyline struck me this year. It is one that I have never paid much attention to before but suddenly, when viewing this modern classic for the hundredth time, I was hooked as I began to draw parallels with my own life.

Ain’t no Party like a Blended Dad Party

Last Sunday started with my little girl waking up tired, grumpy and excitable all rolled into one. She was shattered because she was up late, owing to the fact that all her family from down south had come up for a weekend visit. She was grumpy because she had had to share a bed with her big brother, who had woken her up with his snoring and farting. And finally she was excited, simply because it was the day of her 5th birthday party.

However, whatever emotional pick-and-mix there was floating around in her head, it felt like nothing compared to the emotional waves I endured that morning. There were elements of dread, excitement, intrigue and black humour, swirling around my mind like clothes in a tumble drier.

It was the first time my little girl was to have a party as a primary school attendee, thus meaning all of her little school friends were going to be there. It was also the first time that my folks, sisters, brother-in-laws and nieces were all able to attend her special day at the same time. And finally, it was the first time my ex had seen my extended family since she got up and left one night 18 months ago.

Away Days

My son has inherited a love for football like his Dad. Through relentless brainwashing he has ended up supporting the same team as me, resulting in the two of us going up and down the country to watch our heroes play, and most usually lose, football matches. I love having that bond with him, it means so much to me to see him passionate and engaged in something I too gain immense pleasure from.

A dilemma occurred last winter when a game I wanted to go to was taking place on the weekend I was due to have the kids. Soon-To-Be had only just met the children so it wasn’t appropriate for her to look after my daughter for such a long period and also, I didn’t really want to miss out on spending time with my girl. Therefore, I made an executive decision, I was going to take my daughter to her first ever football match.